Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The End (?)

The guy up there is looking for something. I guess he hasn't found it yet. So haven't I.

You've heard about my doubts about me and Natalie. Well, I don't think it's got any prospective future. There has to be a respect in relationship, friendship and other kinds of 'ships. There isn't one in this what we've got with Natalie. Do we have anything? We know each other. We meet with each other. I don't know if there's something more. I always take things like that seriously... By saying 'things like that' I mean that when I meet a girl and something starts to happen between us I always take it seriously. I try, try a lot. But if the other side doesn't give a shit about it, so don't I. Simple enough. And that's exactly what's happening right now. Sad. And about love I mentioned before on my blog... In this case I probably overreacted. If it really was love, I wouldn't be saying things I'm saying right now... I don't know, I've got no fucking idea. We'll see.

Besides, I met someone. But she'll be the topic of the next post. 

Friday, October 17, 2008

Disappointment (?)

The guy above is disappointed 'cause he didn't get the shit on the lottery. I'm disappointed too. Why? Here's why.

You all know Natalie, don't you? I told ya about our great moments in the bus on the way back from France and about the feelings I've got towards her. But now I've realized something. Something that's not good. 

She wants me to slow down, well, I told you about it some time ago anyway. That's a thing I can understand but there's also one thing else. 

I guess you know what kind of approach I have towards women. If not, go back to "Women In My Life" post and find out. I'm romantic, damn romantic. I've always thought that it's a good thing, that most of girls like romantic and sensitive men. Exactly, "most of the girls". Natalie is this "rest of them". The best thing that could visualize what I'm talking about is the fact that she hates the moments when I give her some flowers. I've always thought flowers and beautiful women are just a complacements for each other, but apparently it doesn't work like this all the time.

But all this is not a problem. I mean, I can't change my attitude to her because it's just a way I behave all the time and I can't change my whole character. It's impossible. But the thing I'm really worried about is, exactly, our characters. They're different from each other. Very different. Some say contrasts attract themselves. I hope it'll work like this in my case. In addition, she doesn't want me to take this relationship of ours too seriously. I guess she just wants to play, have fun with someone new. But it's not enough, at least for me. It's really hard for me to see what exactly she wants, what kind of expectations she's got. 

Right now I'm really afraid of loosing her. But what can I do? I can't change myself onto someone that I'm not. 

Maybe you've got some ideas? My idea is a conversation. Simple thing, simple enough. I'm gonna talk with her, ask her about her views on this relationship.

What do you think?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Can I love you today?

How true this is...

Monday, October 13, 2008


For a longer time now I've wanted to say something, something damn important. I just can't wait until I do it, say it. I guess you know what words I'm talking about. 

But I can't do it to early... And to late. That's hard.

And there's a second thing. I gotta be sure. Am I? Yes. Because if I wasn't sure, would I be so confused? So worried about the situation I mentioned about in last post? I guess not.

So the confession above, engraved on the tree bark is real. And true. I love you. And I'll tell you that soon. I promise. 

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


I think a lot. About anything. Every thing. But now there's only one thing that I contemplate about. Natalie.

I can't remember when was the last time I loved someone that much, after such short time. Every time I see her I wanna kiss her as much as I can, I wanna hug her for as long as I can. She gave me some beautiful big teddy bear that she'd slept with the night before my birthday party. He still smells just like her. But something wrong happened.

I told ya I love kissing and hugging Natalie. In fact, she doesn't like it as much as I do. She told me yesterday that I'd gotten used to all this and it starts to piss her off a little bit. I didn't know what to say, I mean, I thought everything is just fine, that it's ok with her when I kiss her. She had never told me that before and I had no idea something's wrong. It all confused me so much that I had to do anything that could've explained the situation as fast as it was possible. First, I wrote a long, long text message saying how precious she is to me, how much she means to me and that I don't want to loose her. She replied that everything is fine. 

I hope she said something like that just because she doesn't want me to hurry up too much. I hope that's the only cause of all this. Loosing her would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. 

"You know people when you do find somebody, hold that woman, hold 
that man, love him, hold him, squeeze her, please her, hold, squeeze 
and please that person, give 'em all your love, signify your feelings 
with every gentle caress, because it's so important to have the 
special somebody to hold, kiss, miss, squeeze, and please" - Blues Brothers

Monday, October 6, 2008


Originally uploaded by wazari
I guess I have an answer. Finally.
The question was if I love her.

Yup, I do. And I'm smiling right now. All the time.

"But remember, love is a tricky one. Never even try to force it."